Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm getting married
To pizza
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize