Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
