I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
