I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize