it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
