I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
