I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
