The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
