I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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