rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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