Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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