"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
