if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize