I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
