I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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