Just cropdusted the office
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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