did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
