This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
