You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Randomize
