Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
