I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
