Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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