Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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