She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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