is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
