remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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