just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Randomize
