Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
