The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
