Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
