Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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