I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
