you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We had to coat check the pizza.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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