I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
