So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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