I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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