In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
