Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
