I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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