Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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