i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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