Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
