We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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