If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
