my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
We're too hungover to prance.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
