we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
