why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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