I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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