I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
