My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
