how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
