JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
