is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
