she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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