too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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