You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
