ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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