My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
