Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
