my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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