Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
