the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
we're so committed to being not committed
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
