Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
