Capitaan dildo arrescate!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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