He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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