Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
