She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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