hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You took a bar mat shot.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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