I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
false alarm, still single
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