I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Randomize
