but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
