carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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