Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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