I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
