A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
