the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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