First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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